Friday, 16 September 2011

The Beginning Of The Rest Of My Life...

Dried tears down my face, hair scraped back and his pants on. This was the sight of myself in the days after the break up. I was a shadow of my former self. My skin looked dull, and already the eating ban was taking its toll on my body. I felt in physical pain at the loss of my best friend. The one person i wanted to speak to and for them to tell me everything was going to be alright- was the person that had caused me to feel this constant ache.
Waking up alone the morning after the break up, i found myself sleeping on “my side” of the bed. Rolling over to find the cold empty space where he once was. But i didn’t wallow, as much as it was tearing me apart inside i was determined to put on a brave face and show the world the real me- and leave the crying to the comfort of my room when i was on my own.
I went out, i drunk too much, i smoked cigarettes and didn’t eat. This may sound like a recipe for disaster, but for a few weeks this was exactly what i needed to do. I flirted, i danced, and I lost those extra pounds I had been trying to shed and was getting attention every time I went out. This gave me a confidence boost, other people were interested in me- i wasn’t on the shelf yet like my ex expected me to be.
As each week went by, the physical pain that i had been feeling gradually lessened until the point where i was numb to my ex’s advances. Once he saw i was doing perfectly fine on my own without him- he didn’t like it. That’s when they come crawling back and this is the hardest thing to do but is 100% necessary- ignore them. I wrote a diary so that i could remember how he made me feel when he cheated, and every time i even considered getting back with him- i read the diary. Not giving in and going back is the best thing i have ever, ever, ever done. I am proud of myself for having this strength. Not going back has allowed me to have new experiences that i would never have encountered otherwise... but you will just have to wait to find out those stories.
“Some people make your life better by walking into it- others make it better by walking out of it.”

Remember the glass is always half full...

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