Dried tears down my face, hair scraped back and his pants on. This was the sight of myself in the days after the break up. I was a shadow of my former self. My skin looked dull, and already the eating ban was taking its toll on my body. I felt in physical pain at the loss of my best friend. The one person i wanted to speak to and for them to tell me everything was going to be alright- was the person that had caused me to feel this constant ache.
Waking up alone the morning after the break up, i found myself sleeping on “my side” of the bed. Rolling over to find the cold empty space where he once was. But i didn’t wallow, as much as it was tearing me apart inside i was determined to put on a brave face and show the world the real me- and leave the crying to the comfort of my room when i was on my own.
I went out, i drunk too much, i smoked cigarettes and didn’t eat. This may sound like a recipe for disaster, but for a few weeks this was exactly what i needed to do. I flirted, i danced, and I lost those extra pounds I had been trying to shed and was getting attention every time I went out. This gave me a confidence boost, other people were interested in me- i wasn’t on the shelf yet like my ex expected me to be.
As each week went by, the physical pain that i had been feeling gradually lessened until the point where i was numb to my ex’s advances. Once he saw i was doing perfectly fine on my own without him- he didn’t like it. That’s when they come crawling back and this is the hardest thing to do but is 100% necessary- ignore them. I wrote a diary so that i could remember how he made me feel when he cheated, and every time i even considered getting back with him- i read the diary. Not giving in and going back is the best thing i have ever, ever, ever done. I am proud of myself for having this strength. Not going back has allowed me to have new experiences that i would never have encountered otherwise... but you will just have to wait to find out those stories.
“Some people make your life better by walking into it- others make it better by walking out of it.”
Remember the glass is always half full...